Normally it doesn’t take me too long to write a travel story. In August and September 2015 I was on my lowest level of creativity. Followed by a prolonged period without photography throughout most of 2016.
I find it difficult and while writing for my tazzie blog or other blogs; my mind and feeling shut down. Frustration and annoyance are now prevailing. But why?
My life has gone in a lovely and grateful direction which I’m not doing alone anymore. Since meeting Amely I am not alone as I used to be. Im very grateful to have her alongside me in my life.
We together and friends are having a great time. Although all seems alright I have gone through a tough time with myself. Flashback dreams with unknown issues from the past were very confronting. I was negative and my dark side took over. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to protect my girlfriend from that. Things changed after counselling and the flash back dreams are gone. As well are the feelings, emotions and reactions with that. To give an idea of all side effects in daily life: not able to stay up till later than 20.00, meeting friends in the pub, no group activities or even organising activities myself. I simple couldn’t handle it.
All this lead to disconnection with friends and to rising frustration and anxiety. Like his almost all took over me.
The flashback dreams are over and my social activities are slowly coming back to me and for the first time I’m able to organise a bbq. That all feels good. But it is like an influenza virus leaving your body. A body that is physically and mentally in a bad state. That is what I’m recovering from right now. Instead of the normal few weeks (and that is already bloody long) this may take up to a few months. And yes, it is a slow process. Within this process also good things happened. At the moment I can get along quiet well with my other housemate and the communication in our house is friendly and better. I rather accept feelings or other people rather than fighting it. Self-awareness training has helped quiet al lot with this. But as it goes currently; I still need to avoid late nights and stay away from crowds. My best refuge are visits to national parks in and around Perth. This is what I rather want to write about I think.
So if I just skip over of the Tasmania trip, then at least I leave a short summary of it. It’s better to have a look at the photos, but in short it was a terrible trip. Something I wasn’t ready for and ultimately leading to a cascade of events that urged me to leave Tasmania earlier than planned. I felt like escaping the whole ‘situation’. The tazzie blog may cover this (if ever written down). Back in Perth I was feeling ill, left with concentration problems. It looks like the good times are over and just good moments that are now kept; with also bad moments. Some so bad that they caused me defaulting back into illness. I found also an imbalance of spending time together and competition over time for studying and hobbies/spare time. Without clear border this makes me highly nervous.
So when these feelings come up now, I’m able to contain it. This is a big step forward. I don’t care really too much and many things don’t bother me. Life has now become more calm and peaceful. It may take up until the end of November to get me really back on track, but if life changes for the best, then why not just allowing the time?
On a side-note I can say that my research project is going well and wasn’t affected during my so called unstable period. I’m currently doing planning work for overseas research and conferences I want to attend in Europe next year. As soon as more details are confirmed I will communicate these with everyone! My next challenge is to convince the graduation committee to approve my research project. My presentation is scheduled on 22 October. As far as I can predict, all should go well 🙂
As the Tazzie part is screwed up, I uploaded some photos of national parks around Perth. At the moment it is spring. This means many flowers are blooming. Here they call spring the wildflower season. These photos are from Lesmurdie NP. Believe it or not: the waterfall contains water which is so unusual for Perth’s dry climate. Yes, rainy season is over and temperatures have already gone up to 25-30 degrees.
So, the next blog: Tazzie? I’ll do my utmost, but for now I have included my trip to France in August 2016. Another story about leaving Perth and my time in Europe will follow soon.
For people in the northern hemisphere, enjoy the beautiful autumn!